A Girl Who Grows Up On Trails of Solo Travel

According to the general understanding, travel is to go from one place to another or undertake a journey from one place to another for different reasons. Be it leisure or any personal or personal needs. For me, travel is transcending. It is far more than its literal meaning of physical movement. Travelling is experiencing something new. Travel is religion and travelling seems to be more of a spiritual journey without religion.

People who have never been anywhere alone describe their solo traveling as a life changing moment as it offers a platform to indulge yourself fully. I feel solo travelling has the power to bring about a complete change. It helps in raising questions inside me and sometimes when I do not get any answer, I consider no answer is the real answer. Solo travelling gives me the confidence to judge myself and identify who I am. To me solo travelling is transformative and eternally enriching.

Counting My Blessings!!!!

Few years back, I had never thought of living life on my own terms. Thinking of travelling, that also solo was something out of my imagination. Since childhood, I had lived a fearful life and spent endless worrisome days but fortunately now they have remained just as memories, though haunting sometimes. Being a small town girl and living in a nuclear family, fights, unhappiness, being mercilessly beaten up with no cause, being rebuked for being childish in childhood days, every passing minutes being judged by your own godlike parents made me static where happiness and life meant very opposite to me than what actually they mean to be. Love existed nowhere, at least not in my dictionary. 

Hailing from a small society and witnessing my friends and other acquaintances, I knew at a very early stage (probably I was a std. 5th student), it is almost impossible to have everything in life; rather there are several essential needs that one has to remain deprived of. I think such bitter experiences of life were enough to lose my childhood and prepare myself to live a more matured life than my age. Days passed by, I was in upper grades and the most frequently asked question by my ‘own’ were, “Why do you appear so grown up? Why do you not fit into your age group children? Why is your face losing the innocence every passing day?” I, being helpless, remained mum. The most difficult question I often confronted was, “What exactly have you planned for your life?” I wish a 13 years old girl would know the purpose of her existence so that she could satisfy with her diplomatic answers to the askers.

A child never craves for a sibling or materialistic things rather he/she longs for being loved.  Loving someone and the feeling of being loved have a very fundamental difference which unfortunately is still misunderstood by many. When you are constantly being judged and questioned by your own, it gives a huge opportunity to others to do the same and you remain nothing but a victim. Years passed by and I was happily living the unhappy life.

The year 2015 seems to be a very kind uncle to me who walked for the first six months to find me and on the way, in the mid of the year held my hand and took me to a different world and asked me to live my life.  I began enjoying the small little things that I witnessed. I started loving colours, laughing on my own, found myself smiling all the time, breathing freely, and loved reading for hours, days and months.

The year 2018 was filled with divine spirits as it offered me wings to fly high in the clouds. By the time I already had my Secret God who was a guiding source to me. I had developed a keen interest in reading spiritual books, enjoying my company and many other things which added happiness in my small, yet beautiful world. I took up my first solo trip that year without having a single idea of what solo travel means. There was some inquisitiveness in my mind which always insisted me on visiting Velankanni once. Velankanni is a popular pilgrimage destination among Christians but I chose the place not out of my religious and pious nature but something beyond.

Somewhere my first solo trip happened to be a life changing moment for me. Earlier, I had never travelled alone. I had travelled but for purposes like attending conferences, visiting my home town but now the travelling had started for a spiritual purpose.  The five days solo trip managed to change me entirely as I had lost control of myself and had surrendered myself to time and space and it was just magical.

Soon trip after trip started. In these years I actually realized that a woman must be entirely independent and travelling alone is inevitable for her to become a better being. It is as indispensable as breathing. Here I have shared a few of my learnings about my solo travelling and its need in a woman’s life. 

Responsible: My first trip happened in 2018 to Tamil Nadu and coincidently my last trip again happened to be the same before the second wave of Covid 19. In between I have undertaken several solo trips. The first thing travelling taught me was to be responsible. The moment you step out of your house till you return there lies no God father with you and you become your own father, mother, brother, sister, beloved and bodyguard. You have to be very particular for your luggage, health, safety and other belongings. All these small little things become your habit which further helps you in building your life.

Accountability: In life, you are always answerable to your parents, husband or loved ones but first and foremost you are accountable to yourself and the moment you satisfy yourself, you can put your words in front of anyone. I remember my second solo trip to Uttarakhand, Rishikesh. I was afraid of the water and had no idea of swimming, but I made up my mind for river rafting. Rafting is common, fun, adventurous but becomes dangerous at times. I questioned myself, answered myself sooner and then took the plunge. At each rapid, I wanted to see what happened next but each time I answered myself. Floating or drifting on water is actually a matter of adventure. Many times you ask yourself of your decisions, you get no answers but the no answer is the real answer and the ultimate truth.

How to present yourself in various circumstances: Be it hills, beaches, deserts or plains, or it can be a narrow lane of a small town or any big city; be it a train, bus, plane, cab, auto rickshaw, any other public transport, one must understand her surroundings and the locals. “Our safety is in our hand”, I strongly believe the statement. Being a feminist I say, a girl must dress up according to the circumstances so that she looks dignified by the onlookers.  I consider a girl’s attire to be her strongest weapon. I put shorts on the beach with sleeveless tops at times making my cleavage seen but never hesitate to put a dupatta on western pant and crop top. I love to dress up smartly in hills but never give a second thought of having a stole in AC 2 TIER. I love to wear western while travelling in the plane but love to decorate myself in traditional attire at a place rich in its culture. These small values add up in your day-today life as travelling opens your eyes and shows you varieties of places and people.

Freedom: The moment you realize you are solely responsible for yourself and accountable to your inner being, your freedom begins. Happiness, freedom and endless such words carry various meanings depending on person to person. According to me, freedom is a state of mind where you breathe happily, every single breath is a celebration to you.  Freedom is an opportunity where you laugh wholeheartedly not on anybody but you laugh on your own at yourself.  Freedom is the moment you indulge yourself in your endless gossip and start craving for your own utopian world. I still remember my Dalhousie, Meghalaya and several other beach destinations where the weather seemed to be so pleasant and I was actually celebrating my life making my soul dance. When you start celebrating your life, you start celebrating your existence and further it leads to a happy and positive life where you invite none to your own carved life because by then you are on the top of your priority list.

Love yourself: The moment you find yourself on the top of your priority list you start loving yourself. You begin to take care of the small little things of your life. From your head to toe, body and mind, heart and soul, you try to keep it sacred because in you is the perfect place to make love. Travelling enables you to know yourself and once you know yourself you make yourself merry and there lies no room for negativity and you become a spiritual being and spread love, peace, happiness and positivity in your surroundings. Loving yourself is the central part of your existence. Once you are in love with yourself, you require no other company than you. You start living with a ‘me’ feeling and not the other you.

Men might take you as granted: A woman is always taken as granted and is considered always available in the patriarchal society. Travelling teaches you to be strong and let others know that a woman can never be easily available but easily approachable. A single woman is often considered as weak and as someone looking for a company on whom she can put her shoulder to cry upon. I remember from a few of my trips where I came across guys travelling solo but all the more getting crazy after meeting a girl. I consider such human beings as vultures having no life and soul of their own. Travelling makes you strong, builds your will power and lets you prove yourself not only to you but to the world that a girl is self-sufficient and can never accept being taken as granted.
Confidence: The moment one becomes responsible, answerable to her own self, lives a life on her own terms, starts loving herself and is ready to survive on her own, she becomes confident in her life. Travelling boosts your confidence level. It lets you face the world and accept the situation no matter how the circumstances are. Travelling builds your will power and later you use the learning in your personal life and your life blooms.

People or parents start judging you: Though we are living in 21st century, the issue of gender equality is an engrossing subject with Ted speakers citing their examples, politicians scoring points, activists getting publicity in local newspaper, professors deliberately giving lectures on the monotonous talk on feminism but unfortunately still the country lives in the 18th century mindset. My personal experience throws light on the stark and cruel gender discrimination that I go through not in the outside world because judgement never starts from the outside world but from the atmosphere and surrounding you are living in. “Ladki Ho, Udo Mat”, “Kaun sa beta ho tum jo acchhe din dikhaogi”, “duniya kya bolega ki tum ghumti ho”, “ladki ho, kisi ke haath me tumhe saup dena hai meri jimmedari khatam”, “ladki ho kar career ka kya sochna”  are the most common and frequent phrases that I come across. A girl is always judged and is not allowed to fulfil her dreams. To her dreams are meant to be only passing thoughts because her final destination should be settling in the bloody institution of marriage and siring babies and further struggling to save her marital life. Learning and exploring new things are not meant for her even in an educated family like mine.

You learn to stand on your own: The moment a girl is responsible, accountable and free, loves herself, celebrates her existence and becomes confident, she learns to fight back. She can stand on her own as she is self-sufficient and is not required to justify herself. She is not meant to take any shit from others. The fight between her and society would be a gradual process but ultimately it will bring peace in her life.

Go to places, get a life: Travelling does not end at the moment you step in your door after visiting places with a heavy bag rather it is a process of endless learning. It might slow down but it never stops. Travelling makes you capable enough of living a life which you always dreamt of. Of course one must be capable enough to meet her expenses, from her day to day essentials to visiting different places and travelling prepares you to be financially independent. Travelling makes you rich, enables you to count your blessings, teaches you to purify your soul, guides you to spread love and positivity by painting a colourful life and lets you feel your every breath and celebrate your existence. By now, you are fully transformed where you enter the spiritual world and celebrate humanity.